I am a self-proclaimed tv addict, and love many of the shows around. However, even I can admit that there are far too many crime shows, hospital shows and reality shows dominating most of the channels. Eastwick was a grear change of pace, and really refreshing to watc in our current television age.

The show, based on the John Updike novel “The Witches of Eastwick”, revolves around 3 central characters with supernatural powers, who somehow attract a mysterious man who enters their lives and changes everything.
- Kat Gardener is a mother of 5 with dominion over the elements (mother nature) able to cause earthquakes, wind storms, lightening and also has the power to heal others.
- Joanna Frankel is a journalist with the power to control men and telekinesis.
- Roxanne Torcoletti is an artist with a teenage daughter who the power of premonition and the energing power to read minds.

The show is largely a mixture of Charmed and Desperate Housewives – both of which have strong female leads. The following may include spoilers but I feel it important to list some of the many brilliant plot twists and events.

- The mysterious man, Darryl Van Horne, was in Eastwick a couple of decades prior attracted to a different group of three magically empowered women, but horrible events took place leading to tension between Darryl and two of the women (Bun and Eleanor), with the third being dead.
- Joanna discovers the local priest at a whorehouse, and when she exposes him in a story he kidnaps her and attempts to burn her alive.
- Eleanor appears to be crazy, and relishes in shooting at people and poisoning them, leading to their paralysis
- The dead womans son is in Eastwick, determined to kill Darryl Van Horne (with help from Bun and Eleanor)
- Roxie’s daugnhter was almost raped, and the would-be rapist is determind to toy with Roxie
- Joanna had a cruch on a co-worker for many of theearly episodes, who Kat kisses under the effect of the moon
- In discovering her powers, and going through a break up and divorce, Kat accidently strikes her husband with lightening, causes a mini earthquake to knock him out of a hammock and almost kills him and his new girlfriend in a wind storm.

The show has wit, humour, drama, action, romance deals with issues the viewers can relate to and adds a little bit of magic. Eastwick had (and still has) the potential to be great, but the ABC handled this masterpiece all the wrong ways. The only word to describe the shows publicity would be PATHETIC. The show barely saw any publicity, and after being cancelled after only a few episodes, had all advertising stop completely. It was aired in the Wednesday 10pm timeslot timeslot. Put these factors together, and you can’t blame the show for averaging about 5 million viewers.  Also, of the 13 episodes ordered, ABC decided to not air episode 11 or episode 13. If given the publicity it deserves, and a decent timeslot (perhaps sunday nights like Charmed used to be) then the slow could easily be the hit the ABC so desperately needs.

With the shows cancellation, the fans have launched their SAVE EASTWICK campaigns.
Petitions:
http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?saveeas1
http://tvseriesfinale.com/tv-show/eastwick-petition/

There was an eonline poll about endangered shows, and EASTWICK was/is the fan’s favourite to be saved
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/watch_with_kristin/b152963_fall_tv_sos_save_one_endangered_new_show.html

Which endangered fall show do you most want to see survive?

• 7.5% Accidentally on Purpose (CBS)
• 0.8% Brothers (Fox)
• 49.7% Eastwick (ABC)
• 4.5% The Forgotten (ABC)
• 1.1% Hank (ABC)
• 8.3% Melrose Place (CW)
• 16.3% Three Rivers (CBS)
• 11.9% Trauma (NBC)

Like almost every movement in the 21st century, there are multiple facebook and twitter pages devoted to it.

The SAVE EASTWICK campaign has even spilled out onto other networks. Particularly, the fans want to see the show on LIFETIME or the CW network. The little glimmer of home is that it is widely circulated, though I do not know the source, that LIFETIME has expressed at interest in picking up the show, and people were to send POSTCARDS to the network.

“Though ratings were not successful in the United States, ratings on Hallmark in the United Kingdom have placed Eastwick in its Top 5 every week”. Not to mention, the show hasn’t even begun to air in Australia. The Australian soapie “Neighbours” has less than decent rating in Australia, but it is successful with very intrigued viewing over in Europe. Family guy has been cancelled more than once, but it was saved after its second cancellation with the amount of DVD sales. The outlook for Eastwick isn’t that great, but there is still a small amount of hope among the devoted Eastwich fans.

If you google SAVE EASTWICK you will find pages and pages filled with countless comments of fans distress in wanting this show saved. It has set up brilliantly and could easily become a long running show with fantastic ratings. If only the ABC could see the diamond their just throwing away…

If you don’t advertise a new show, put it in a horrible timeslot and upset the airing without letting the public know which weeks an episode will actually be on, and which it will skip, as well as leaving out episodes (eg airing episodes 10 and 12, but not 11), you have to wonder if you’re even giving the show a chance or if you’re actually trying to sabotage it.

  If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?

Not if he wins dumbas. but if he loses, sure. This does make a good joke, but it is NOT an “unanswerable question”

 Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Hmm. So dirt doesnt get inside the coffins? So its easier to put it in the ground? Incase John feels like burying someone alive? All seem so obvious now, don’t they?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Skin gets darker because the cells are trying to protect themselves so they don’t break down. Hair goes lighter because the sunlight breaks down the molecular layers that absorb light and heat. Unanswerable my ass.

 Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

They can. it’s just easier with open mouths because it stretche the face so it’s easier to apply. in short, YOUR QUESTION IS WRONG.

 Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Because it isn’t dry yet loser!

 Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Same reason you never see “psychic foresaw death and survives again”. Because they dont know!

 Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

To demonstrate why we need a word for it.

 Why is a boxing ring square?

“In this corner…”

 Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Because the substance STICKS to your lips so they keep the colour. Lets help you get a better understanding of this. Go superglue your lips together and see what happens.

 Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

The same reason doing a million math questions is practice. The more you do something, the better you get at it. It never stops being practice.

 Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Rain also falls. RAIN DOESN’T DROP, RAINDROPS FALL. They come in the form of drops, but verb is to fall.

 Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

To help you concentrate on what you’re doing. Like i said, OBVIOUS!.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why don’t you drink a bottle of dishwashing liquid and find out?

 Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?

Because it deals with SECONDS. The 2nd hand deals with MINUTES. ITS NAMES AFTER THE UNIT IT MEASURES!

 Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Because everyone’s in a rush to get home or to work/school, hence the increased traffic.

 Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Because it has a definition? If you told a 6 month old to define dictionary, they’d have NFI what you’re on about. They’ve gotta learn sometime.

 Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Two words – Nobody cares. Why isn’t there a special word for your level of idiocy?

 Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

WHere do you suppose this mouse flavour will come from. SHarks and bears seem to like eating us. So while where at it, lets make human flavoured shark food.

 Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?

Good point – it’s not like pilots need to see whats in front of them in the sky or anything.

 Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Not while i’m watching. But yeah, weight physically restricts people from removing their clothes and going in the water. If you’re over a certain weight limit and naked, water sends its hydrogen molecules to kill you before you enter the water. What the hell do you think genius?!?!

 Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?

You dont need a drivers licence dumbass you just need photo ID accompanied with proof of age. Drivers licenses provide that.

What is the speed of dark?

JENNIFER FLASHBACK. The speed of dark is the speed of light. As soon as light comes, dark disappears and vice versa.

Unanswerable questions my ass. Some are stupidity, and some are failed jokes, but unanswerable? I dont think so!

“I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there’s no f***ing way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can’t paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I’ll tell you why, because paper can’t beat anybody, a rock would tear that s**t up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say “oh s**t I’m sorry I thought paper would protect you, a**hole.”

This was the one variation that ever made some sense… and now even thats dead. The other version I don’t understand is human foot, cockroach, nuclear bomb [derived from that 70s show] . Okay human foot can cockroach, and cockroach can survive nuclear bomb, but how the fuck does nuclear bomb beat human? Isn’t this clearly a draw? I mean come on, like the bomb can survive its own destruction. And technically no matter how close the human is, the bomb dies first. But is it really a human, all me know of it that there’s a foot. Is there some magical foot that can survive on its own. This variation makes even less sense than the one before it.

It was then I realised just how stupid some of these games can be. And if there’s one stupid variation, there will be others. So once again, I googled myself the answer that I wanted.

A variation found in Indonesia is composed of an earwig, a human, and an elephant. The earwig is able to climb into the elephant’s ear and drive it insane, while the human crushes the earwig and the elephant crushes the human

WTH?!?!?

LETS COMPARE THIS WITH THE ORIGINAL.
Scissors cuts paper, rock crushes scissors, paper suffocates rock.
Human crushes earwig, elephant crushes human, earwig climbs into ear and drives elephant insane.

Somehow, the second one is more logical. Lets apply such logic to the original. What if paper could drive rock insane? If could wrap itself around the rock, and tell it to burn things, or to kill. Hell, turn the rock into a schizo for all I care. But there’s no fucking way that paper can beat rock.

If that’s what the Indonesians found out, what about Sarah Palin’s people? The Alaskan version is bear-fish-mosquito. The bear bites the fish, the fish bites the mosquito, the mosquito bites the bear

THE FISH BITES THE MOSQUITO?!?!?

What? Did the fish jump out of the water to grind its teeth into a mosquito? Or did the mosquito decide to go skinny dipping in the wrong place wrong time.

And two more variations I won’t bother going into are
cat, tinfoil, microwave
bear, ninja, cowboy

So whether there’s a magical paper that can kidnap. bound and gag a rock, A suicidal nuclear bomb that tries to take out a self-reliant human foot or you feel like microwaving a cat, THIS GAME MAKES NO BLOODY SENSE!

Susan: You lied to me
Thy: How?

How the fuck do you think?! You opened your mouth, and made a statement you knew to be false. What a stupid question. Thats like asking “How do you call somone?” You push the call button and dial the fucking number.

You know what else i hate? When people say “It’s always in the last place you look”. OF COURSE IT IS! Why the hell would i keep looking for something after i found it? I mean come on, it’s just common sense.

“You can’t have your cake and eat it too”. Why the fudge would i want the cake if i can’t eat it? Seriously, can you think of a more pathetic analogy?

Wow, i never realised so many lines annoyed me, Oh, and when people say “Can i ask you a question?” Too late now, isn’t it?

When you’re standing at a bus stop, waiting for a bus, do people think you just like standing there? I mean, who’s stupid enough to ask “Has the bus come yet?”. Yeah it came, and i watched it go floating by and now im standing here for the hell of it. Seriously, have you met Tina Phan?

And what about when people say it was a near miss? Come on, if it was near a miss, surely its a hit. Why go to all that extra effort? Thats like saying “At this point in time”. I’d like to introduce you to a little word called ‘now’.

If you know you have a tendency to say such stupid things, keep your goddamn mouth shut!

How is it that you can feel a sense of security, only to to feel the force of the inevitable betrayal looming behind you, waiting to crash-tackle you to the realm of lonliness and betrayal?

High-school is the world of the most self-centred beings that proceed to call themselves human. One problem; humans have souls. In a world where bullying is water and gossip is oxygen, chaos is the democratic form of existance.

How could I be so naive as to believe these people were friends? A friend; someone to be trusted, relied upon, there when you need them. A friend is the one who comforts you in situations like these, not the one who causes them.

What is this situation? Groups of people gathered at the cricket nets dicussing what i do or don’t do behind closed doors with my boyfriend. Some I can’t be angry with as I don’t know them well or talk to them, and if they wish to talk about other people having a life in comparison to their petty gossip-dominated existances fine; build your life on that of other people, but it is from those i considered friends that the betrayal originates.

What if i did have a secret on this scale? What if i did have sex with him and told those i considered to be friends, decent people. Instead of spreading vicious, demeaning rumours, would they reveal my deepest and darkest secrets to a grade who feed on the events and experiences, the triumphs and depression of others? How do i know who i can trust? Is it even possible to have any true friends?

Sorry? I don’t believe it possible to TRULY mean that word in this context.  To mean the word ‘sorry’, you are implying that the instance will not reoccur. Gossip and betrayal are the building blocks of this world; you stab someone in the back and from there on, it only gets easier.

♫

Dont tell me you’re sorry cause you’re not
Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught

♫

Don’t demean me by apologising now, you’ll do it again… and again… and again. You may not want me to feel upset, but you sure as hell aren’t sorry.

Hot involves having all these characteristics. So now i dont know if it is possible to call anyone hot, and im pretty sure no-one in the grade fits all these characteristics, thus no girl in the grade is hot. Please correct me if you can find someone who is all this, anywhere.

Basically for a girl to be hot she has to have long straights hair, pretty face, large boobs, skinny waist, noticable curves, tanned skin, nice ass [so explanatory], confident personality and slutty clothes. Seriously, how much do guys expect? This girl.. isn’t real.

The skin is a perfect example of media mind-control. Women everywhere obsessed with being the perfect colour. Spending hours in the sun developing melanomas or undergoing the so called ‘Michael Jackson’ surgery to defy their heritage and birth colour.

“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you”

Two years ago, be began the fundraising committee. It was my group and sophies group with a few others including the almighty Istabraq. It was a different time, where the committee was fun, productive and people cared about the cause! Last year things began to change for the worse, but in the end we got the job done. This year, the committee is an absolute joke.

We elected Istabraq as our leader as she knows how to get the job done. There is one minor detail we were ingnorant of in making our decision, she has a heart. She cares about people and is always friendly, but this attitude is the beginning of the transformation from human to doormat. It is these caring, considerate people that are often taken advantage of, and this is what’s happenning here.

Each meeting takes up the entire lunch, and not every topic gets covered. This is due to two main parts: People who won’t shut up, and Istabraqs inability to use power over others due to consideration and a kind heart. The meetings are stopped after every second sentence she says, literally, as there are too many people who just don’t give a damn about anything but thenselves. As for the people who didn’t bother attending the meeting, they caused more productivity than half the room, which is a sad truth in and of itself. The behaviour of some members is nothing short of deplorable.

This organisation is lit on fire and until someone grabs a bucket of water, we will slowly burn until there’s nothing left. How can there be a cause worth fighting for when the only soldiers are mindless teenage drones.

PMS and TESTOSTERONE do not cancel each other out!  Wow, guys have testosterone and want to ”bang everything in sight”, as John so eliquently puts it. But we have Oestrogen and Progesterone, which form PMS which is really, not a lot of fun.

Oestrogen and progesterone- I don’t know which one does it, but girls do get horny too. Considering we have two hormones for this, and have our own instincts to “mate” AND manage to control it, guys cound try a little harder to keep their mouths shut and eyes up once in a while.

PMS – is not a hormone. To explain it to guys, our emotions get fucked up, we feel like shit and get extremely insecure, our bodies to weird crap you could never understand and cramps hurt like theres no fucking mercy. Does testosterone ever do that to you?

Girls prefering larger penises and guys prefering larger breasts are not equal arguments. Larger penises can reach more places, cause direct pleasure and help with orgasms. Breasts cannot make guys blow their load, Jim from the American Pie series excluded. Besides, it’s not good if it isn’t in proportion. Girls should have boobs to suit their size, and a guy wouldn’t look too attractive with the large thing, springing forth out of nowhere, and besides, too big can be painful.

And yes, this will probably be interpreted as sexism and prejudice in some way, but men definately have it easier.

The top ten things men would do if they had a vagina for a day

10. Immediately go shopping for cucumbers.
9.  Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8.  See if they could finally do the splits.
7.  See if its truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6.  Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5.  Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes.
4.  Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3.  Go to the gynaecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2.  Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1.  Finally find that damned g-spot!

The top ten things women would do if they had a penis for a day

10. get a better paid job.
9.  get a blow job.
8.  find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7.  pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6.  determine WHY you cant hit the bowl consistently.
5.  find out what its like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4.  touch/shift yourself in public without thought to how improper it may seem.
3.  jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2.  understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a mans eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1.  repeat number 9!

I can never understand just why we are never satisfied with our own gender? There really isn’t anything you can do about it, unless you’re so determined you have a sex change operation, but it still won’t ever be the same.

From a woman’s point of view, the day in the life of a man seems easier. They never have to feel the uncomfort of blood draining out of them, nor the cramp that feel like being scraped with a blade. Their only role in child birth is ejaculating, which for them is extremely fun, whilst women have to have body parts stretching out further than ever and a little person pushing it’s way out, not to mention the contractions. Man can sleep around, stare at chicks and have inappropriate comments at anytime without being called a slut or a whore and being able to say “I’m a guy, what do you expect?” and get away with it.

From a guy’s point of view, there’s nothing i can say. I don’t understand how their minds work, nor why they would want to be a girl other than the two following words; multiple orgasms.

Men and women; will either ever be satisfied?

In a school situation, It goes Principal> Deputy> Head Teacher >Teacher >Students, but is this how it should be? Theoretically the system is flawless, but in reality, the standards are too low and some employees along this line are simply deplorable.

Principal. What really is the role of the person filling this position. Isn’t all they do give a final ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and kiss the arses of anyone in the Chain above them? It would be the deputy who maintains the running of the school, the head-teachers who maintain the department, the teachers who supposably teach the lessons and the students are there to learn. Any who thought of spelling it as princiPAL? This makes the word a contradiction in and of itself!

Teachers. With my school in mind, I don’t know where to begin. Ok fine, let us begin with LAZAL. Notice there is no title in the front. I reserve using a title for those I respect either as a person, or as a teacher, and the occasional slip of the tongue.

LAZAL – I believe his logic is the opposite to that of the Simpsons. When Bart went back to kindergarten, he said “Let me get this straight. We’re behind the rest of our class and we’re going to catch up to them by going slower than they are?”. The system sounds flawed but the Simpsons have it better than Lawal. Did bart not learn of the dish and the spoon? As opposed to hid 4th grade lessons where we all know he didn’t learn a thing. Going at a slower pace gives the students time to understand the concept. So with a lower class [who are unfortunate to ALL have him 2 yrs in a row, 3 for some people, first year for one (Danny that lucky son of a-)] LAZAL decides that rushing each topic is the best way for the students to improve their math. Thus proving, fictional television programs have more logic than a math teacher.

DUNKITTYDUDY – That old sagy mathai. Great for a bludge lesson, but being evaluated as a teacher, does not meet the standards. With his heavy accent, he decides that it would be best for him to teach by talking the whole lesson. He cannot control a class, community or selective, and only knows as much as the text books wil tell him.

MACKAY – the short one. In order to prepare a class for exams, he decides that it would be best to give the questions, mark the answers, THEN explain how to do them. What kind of fucked up order is this? He then decides to call a student in his class a loser [not me, he knows better]. He does know geography, i’ll give him that, but his methods of conveying the knowledge are considerably less effective.

DOLPHIN LADY – No i don’t know her real name, but I do understand why she’s just a relief teacher. Her voice and accent make people lean back and cover their ears, the sight of her black and yellow disfigured teeth and black leather pants make poeple shut their eyes in terror and her stench makes people pray to be knocked unconscious. Dolphin live in the ocean, water, clean… apparently she didn’t get the memo.

From examples such as those above, it’s easy to see why students are known to act out on occasion. The chain of command only works when the positions are given to those who deserve them and can do them well, not the first person they can force into it. And people wonder wht the schooling system is failing.

Chain of command – effectively ineffective or ineffectively effective?

Note: Some names may have been altered to avoid googling.