Well this topic started weeks ago but i really couldn’t be bothered until now. Everyone has been arguing about gender inequality with specific reference to body part sizes and hormonal impacts, so here’s what i really think.

PMS and TESTOSTERONE do not cancel each other out!  Wow, guys have testosterone and want to “bang everything in sight”, as John so eliquently puts it. But we have Oestrogen and Progesterone, which form PMS which is really, not a lot of fun.

Oestrogen and progesterone- I don’t know which one does it, but girls do get horny too. Considering we have two hormones for this, and have our own instincts to “mate” AND manage to control it, guys cound try a little harder to keep their mouths shut and eyes up once in a while.

PMS – is not a hormone. To explain it to guys, our emotions get fucked up, we feel like shit and get extremely insecure, our bodies to weird crap you could never understand and cramps hurt like theres no fucking mercy. Does testosterone ever do that to you?

Girls prefering larger penises and guys prefering larger breasts are not equal arguments. Larger penises can reach more places, cause direct pleasure and help with orgasms. Breasts cannot make guys blow their load, Jim from the American Pie series excluded. Besides, it’s not good if it isn’t in proportion. Girls should have boobs to suit their size, and a guy wouldn’t look too attractive with the large thing, springing forth out of nowhere, and besides, too big can be painful.

And yes, this will probably be interpreted as sexism and prejudice in some way, but men definately have it easier.

Men and Women

August 16, 2008

All over i keep seing girls saying that they wish they were boys, or having random thoughts to that effect. There’s an old joke about what men and women would do if they had each other’s body parts for a day so i thought i’d share that with you.

The top ten things men would do if they had a vagina for a day

10. Immediately go shopping for cucumbers.
9.  Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8.  See if they could finally do the splits.
7.  See if its truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6.  Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5.  Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes.
4.  Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3.  Go to the gynaecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2.  Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1.  Finally find that damned g-spot!

The top ten things women would do if they had a penis for a day

10. get a better paid job.
9.  get a blow job.
8.  find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7.  pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6.  determine WHY you cant hit the bowl consistently.
5.  find out what its like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4.  touch/shift yourself in public without thought to how improper it may seem.
3.  jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2.  understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a mans eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1.  repeat number 9!

I can never understand just why we are never satisfied with our own gender? There really isn’t anything you can do about it, unless you’re so determined you have a sex change operation, but it still won’t ever be the same.

From a woman’s point of view, the day in the life of a man seems easier. They never have to feel the uncomfort of blood draining out of them, nor the cramp that feel like being scraped with a blade. Their only role in child birth is ejaculating, which for them is extremely fun, whilst women have to have body parts stretching out further than ever and a little person pushing it’s way out, not to mention the contractions. Man can sleep around, stare at chicks and have inappropriate comments at anytime without being called a slut or a whore and being able to say “I’m a guy, what do you expect?” and get away with it.

From a guy’s point of view, there’s nothing i can say. I don’t understand how their minds work, nor why they would want to be a girl other than the two following words; multiple orgasms.

Men and women; will either ever be satisfied?

It was in fact my pets that inspired me to write such a post. In the domestic animal kindom that is my home, the chain of command is simple; human, dog, cat, mice. My alledgedly “biological sister” is too low to worth mentioning. But what if the C.O.C. is broken?

In a school situation, It goes Principal> Deputy> Head Teacher >Teacher >Students, but is this how it should be? Theoretically the system is flawless, but in reality, the standards are too low and some employees along this line are simply deplorable.

Principal. What really is the role of the person filling this position. Isn’t all they do give a final ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and kiss the arses of anyone in the Chain above them? It would be the deputy who maintains the running of the school, the head-teachers who maintain the department, the teachers who supposably teach the lessons and the students are there to learn. Any who thought of spelling it as princiPAL? This makes the word a contradiction in and of itself!

Teachers. With my school in mind, I don’t know where to begin. Ok fine, let us begin with LAZAL. Notice there is no title in the front. I reserve using a title for those I respect either as a person, or as a teacher, and the occasional slip of the tongue.

LAZAL – I believe his logic is the opposite to that of the Simpsons. When Bart went back to kindergarten, he said “Let me get this straight. We’re behind the rest of our class and we’re going to catch up to them by going slower than they are?”. The system sounds flawed but the Simpsons have it better than Lawal. Did bart not learn of the dish and the spoon? As opposed to hid 4th grade lessons where we all know he didn’t learn a thing. Going at a slower pace gives the students time to understand the concept. So with a lower class [who are unfortunate to ALL have him 2 yrs in a row, 3 for some people, first year for one (Danny that lucky son of a-)] LAZAL decides that rushing each topic is the best way for the students to improve their math. Thus proving, fictional television programs have more logic than a math teacher.

DUNKITTYDUDY – That old sagy mathai. Great for a bludge lesson, but being evaluated as a teacher, does not meet the standards. With his heavy accent, he decides that it would be best for him to teach by talking the whole lesson. He cannot control a class, community or selective, and only knows as much as the text books wil tell him.

MACKAY – the short one. In order to prepare a class for exams, he decides that it would be best to give the questions, mark the answers, THEN explain how to do them. What kind of fucked up order is this? He then decides to call a student in his class a loser [not me, he knows better]. He does know geography, i’ll give him that, but his methods of conveying the knowledge are considerably less effective.

DOLPHIN LADY – No i don’t know her real name, but I do understand why she’s just a relief teacher. Her voice and accent make people lean back and cover their ears, the sight of her black and yellow disfigured teeth and black leather pants make poeple shut their eyes in terror and her stench makes people pray to be knocked unconscious. Dolphin live in the ocean, water, clean… apparently she didn’t get the memo.

From examples such as those above, it’s easy to see why students are known to act out on occasion. The chain of command only works when the positions are given to those who deserve them and can do them well, not the first person they can force into it. And people wonder wht the schooling system is failing.

Chain of command – effectively ineffective or ineffectively effective?

Note: Some names may have been altered to avoid googling.

Selectives vs. Communities

August 11, 2008

I don’t understand this pointless war. The communities don’t like the selectives because they think they’re boring and nerdy, and the selectives don’t like the communities because they think they’re lame and stupid. But in the end, aren’t we all just people?

Why is it that these people judge each other by the streams in which old men in ugly suits placed them? And yes, this will sound sexist, but we all know it’s mainly the boys. So really, is testosterone just another word for easily-provokable?

Whilst talking to a friend in selective, who shall not be named, she stated that the communities were more likable. In a joking manner, i suggested it may be because the communites spend more time getting laid, and the selectives have too much built-up sexual frustration from spending all day playing video games, but don’t tell them that.

In a recent event, a fight between two people, one with mostly selective friends, the other with mostly community friends, it almost came to an outbreak of war. If a selective had a fight with a community, would it really divide the whole grade so sharply? My group of best friends is mixed, some selective and some community. How would a S vs. C war affect others in a mixed group situation?

Why is it that these two categories of boys hate each other so much? What really happened the piss them off? Is all of this because they’re different in some way? The bottom line is people are people, and we shouldn’t be judged by the groups some old guys in ugly suits and horrific ties put us into.

Dream Dictionary

August 9, 2008

Recently I found a dream dictionary next to my bed but have found no use for it. Mainly because i seem to be dreaming about pokemon lately. I am skeptical towards the idea that all the words in this dictionary seem to have a symbolic meaning. Some i do understand, but i can’t help but wonder if someone just sat down and made up a whole bunch of bs [and why i didn’t think of that first!]

I’ve decided to put this dream dictionary to the test. I will open to five random pages and pick out the first words i see, collaborate them into a dream and see how this book seems to interpret them.

Homosexuality [this book must be rigged] -this dream suggests that our unconscious is a place where identity is less cut and dried than we may consciously experience it to be.

Pumpkin – this bright orange vegetable is associated with halloween and with autumn. In your dream it may symbolise the coming to fruition of a plan or idea.

Stars- We associate stars with ambition and destiny

Fountain – A dream of a flowing fountain is a sign of life, health and our ability to express our emotions fluently.

Urine – Urination represents the control we have over our bodies and emotions.

So if i dreamt of homosexual dressed like a pumpkin falling from a star into a fountain of urine, it means that its my destiny to have an identity crisis in autumn while having control over my fluently expressed emotions during my identity crisis?

Dictionary of dreams – yae or nae?

What the hell is with guys and big boobs? Ok i get the whole ‘instinct to mate with the reproductively gifted’ side of thing but the extent of this issue is far beyond just that.

As i attempted to google myself an answer to this mind-boggling question i came across numerous answers-

  • Media has exploited the idea of large breasts as the definition of womanhood, sexual gratification and femininity.
  • We don’t have them and they’re fun to play with
  • Because small boobs make males feel like pedophiles
  • Cavemen believed big breasts can nurse more children and the instinct became ingrained in guys DNA.
  • Yes we like it generally. Sucking n squeezing them turn us on.
  • Big boobs and wide hips are special features that tell men instinctively: Fertile female, good for breeding
  • It is how we assess female’s fertility, genes, general health, and ability to nurse children, so that we can know which ones are worth our time when looking for females to lay seed in.

Personally, it’s fucking annoying! Do you have any idea how it feels to walk down the street and have a million guys staring at your chest, beeping, wolf whistling, pointing you out to their friends etc.  ?

I suppose some girls like the attention, but i definately do not. I have resorted to wearing baggy clothing [especially on school, filled with teenage boys] so much so that when i was with a best friend today she said “i never realised how skinny you are”.

I feel disproportionate. I can actually fit into size 8 clothes really well [even size 8 jeans] but my chest is just there out of nowhere – KABLAMO! Yes, mine are excessive and guys may like to watch girls with such features run, but for such girls, it’s extremely painful! [Assuming they’re real of course]

Another annoying part of this is buying new bras. Bought b cups, theyre all gone. Bought c cups, they dont fit. I had to upsize again and it takes a lot of money to buy these clothes they wont fit in a few months again anyway.

Big boobs – You like them, you can have them. I don’t want them.

Relationships

August 8, 2008

When it comes to relationships, do you really get everything from just one person?

“The one” is said to be your best friend in the world, someone you can discuss anything and everything with, the first person you’d call in a crisis, someone you can depend on no matter what, someone you trust completely and someone you have a physical, spiritual, mental and emotional connection with. But do all these qualities really come in one person?

For true fulfilment in life, do we need all these things? Can we really get them from one person, or do we mix and match all the people in our lives to feel some sense of completion?

Hypothetical:
1 Person for a shoulder to cry on
1 person to make you laugh no matter what
1 person for sexual satisfaction
1 person for dates out on the town
1 person to kick back and watch movies with
1 person for love
1 person to show off to your mates

To achieve fulfilment, do we need to have well and truly OPEN relationships?