Who can you really trust in the world of high-school? Is it even possible to have a friend that won’t betray you if the opportunity arose? Of the entire grade, there is a total of 6 people i could trust with a life-or-death secret; Mandy, Nazan, Lily, Aimee, Jenny and Christina.

How is it that you can feel a sense of security, only to to feel the force of the inevitable betrayal looming behind you, waiting to crash-tackle you to the realm of lonliness and betrayal?

High-school is the world of the most self-centred beings that proceed to call themselves human. One problem; humans have souls. In a world where bullying is water and gossip is oxygen, chaos is the democratic form of existance.

How could I be so naive as to believe these people were friends? A friend; someone to be trusted, relied upon, there when you need them. A friend is the one who comforts you in situations like these, not the one who causes them.

What is this situation? Groups of people gathered at the cricket nets dicussing what i do or don’t do behind closed doors with my boyfriend. Some I can’t be angry with as I don’t know them well or talk to them, and if they wish to talk about other people having a life in comparison to their petty gossip-dominated existances fine; build your life on that of other people, but it is from those i considered friends that the betrayal originates.

What if i did have a secret on this scale? What if i did have sex with him and told those i considered to be friends, decent people. Instead of spreading vicious, demeaning rumours, would they reveal my deepest and darkest secrets to a grade who feed on the events and experiences, the triumphs and depression of others? How do i know who i can trust? Is it even possible to have any true friends?

Sorry? I don’t believe it possible to TRULY mean that word in this context.  To mean the word ‘sorry’, you are implying that the instance will not reoccur. Gossip and betrayal are the building blocks of this world; you stab someone in the back and from there on, it only gets easier.

 

 

Dont tell me you’re sorry cause you’re not
Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught

 

Don’t demean me by apologising now, you’ll do it again… and again… and again. You may not want me to feel upset, but you sure as hell aren’t sorry.

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No cause is lost if there is but one fool who will fight for it. These are strong words which have sadly fallen on deaf ears.

Two years ago, be began the fundraising committee. It was my group and sophies group with a few others including the almighty Istabraq. It was a different time, where the committee was fun, productive and people cared about the cause! Last year things began to change for the worse, but in the end we got the job done. This year, the committee is an absolute joke.

We elected Istabraq as our leader as she knows how to get the job done. There is one minor detail we were ingnorant of in making our decision, she has a heart. She cares about people and is always friendly, but this attitude is the beginning of the transformation from human to doormat. It is these caring, considerate people that are often taken advantage of, and this is what’s happenning here.

Each meeting takes up the entire lunch, and not every topic gets covered. This is due to two main parts: People who won’t shut up, and Istabraqs inability to use power over others due to consideration and a kind heart. The meetings are stopped after every second sentence she says, literally, as there are too many people who just don’t give a damn about anything but thenselves. As for the people who didn’t bother attending the meeting, they caused more productivity than half the room, which is a sad truth in and of itself. The behaviour of some members is nothing short of deplorable.

This organisation is lit on fire and until someone grabs a bucket of water, we will slowly burn until there’s nothing left. How can there be a cause worth fighting for when the only soldiers are mindless teenage drones.

Crisis of faith already?

August 7, 2008

Do you ever get the feeling that time is moving forward but you’re stuck in a state of confusion? I still care about life and about friends but i no longer see a purpose in studies or the future. I just can’t see the point of it all or where it ends.

I’m the type of girl that second third fourth fifth guesses everything she does. I continually doubt my decisions and am never proud of myself. Having a public blog is weird for me. I internalise everything. I guess the way it works in my head is that if i don’t verbalise the problem, it doesn’t exist.

Due to the fact that i never trust myself, i don’t even trust my thoughts. I just assume i’m overreacting. I’m highly influenced by PMS. When it’s the week before that time of the month, i snap at random moments at whoevers around, usually for no good reason [how do people put up with me?].

I just finished my fitness testing assignment – damn i’m bad at running. Well you can’t exactly blame me. Running for me is really painful. I swear guys have it easy! They don’t have two things popping out of nowhere, going up and down as they run. They NEVER have to deal with periods or chidbirth. We apparently have “gender equality” but we all know that women are still looked down upon. The worst thing they have to put up with is waking up to find they’ve had a wet dream, and their worst thing is something they probably ENJOYED!

DOUBTING my future, DOUBTING my gender, DOUBTING my decisions.